Work and Diet Coke moments.

It's been a funny old time at my office today, mostly involving the females in my building. This was at the beginning of the day;

I'm at the reception desk downstairs, waiting to speak to one of the girls and a delivery guy is asking her some questions...

Guy: So what do I do if I have a bigger parcel? Do I have to come around the front of the building?
Girl: No, you can park at the back and we'll let you in.
Guy: So is there an intercom?
Girl: Yes. Just press the button and let us know that you have a big package.
Guy: .....

He almost ran out of the building as she and I dissolved into hysterics!

(Oh, this next one wasn't today, but it fits in nicely)

Cigarette break outside with Princess C, discussing my tragic love life, (just for a change). I should add that C is a total Princess, she is blonde, soooo slim, beautiful and I wish she was a bitch because then I could properly hate her!

PC: I should introduce you to M
Me: M?
PC: Yeah, my 1st husband!
Me: Ohhhhh. Because that wouldn't be weird at all!!
PC: That's what F said too!!
Me: No shit!
PC: She said she didn't want my sloppy seconds!

Back in the office there was a hair-raising moment when I was informed that my boss has discovered Twitter is a big way! Eeeeeeeek! Time for a quick picture change, and thanking all things Holy that I didn't use my real name. I know there are a squillion, (that word is for you Donna!) people on Twitter, but it would be just my bloody luck, especially as my Twitter account leads right back here!

Then, this afternoon, I was in the reception area again talking to 3 of the girls. One whispered that there was a cute guy working in the comms room. The door was shut so I couldn't see him and as much as I would have loved to wait around all afternoon, I kind of had to work. She said she would offer him a coffee, (for the squillionth time, I bet!) so I could see him.

I "hovered" about, pretending to be busy while she opened the door. HOLYFUCKINGCRAP he was gorgeous!!! Dark hair, white t-shirt, faded jeans, fit body, I could go on and on! He refused a drink and as she shut the door all three of us just melted, sighing in that "Diet Coke Moment" kind of way.

I was straight upstairs to MSN Princess C that she had to go down to reception immediately. Ten minutes later my MSN exploded with words along the lines of "HOLYFUCKINGCRAP!" I think she agreed with me.

I'll leave you, with that advert. Our guy was better looking, but you get the idea.



PS. HOLYFUCKINGCRAP is absolutely a real word. Damn spellchecker needs to learn English!

Chasing rainbows...

...or, in other words; The Pursuit of Happiness.

I've been indulging in a little navel gazing over the past couple of days. I'm not usually one for self analysis, I know who I am, I know what I'm about, I rarely surprise myself. I have, however, been through the wringer a bit lately and this has led to a fair bit of pondering the whys and wherefores.

I remember when I was a kid at boarding school and my parents would trog down to collect Lil Sis and I at the end of term. We would drive away, car full to the brim and stomachs knotted with excitement about the impending holidays. I would stare out of the window and look at other cars with other passengers and actually feel sorry for them. How could they possibly be as happy as I was at that moment? Oh the smug attitude of a teen aged girl!

I got older, met EH and once again there were many moments of pure bliss. Happiness that was tangible, I could feel it. You know when you're so happy that you actually pause to recognise it? There is a conscious thought process where you tell yourself; "It doesn't get any better than this!"

Now I look back on those times and smile but in a slightly jaded, somewhat cynical way. There were happier times, but there were also horrible, dreadful, painful times.

Occasionally, especially when there have been long periods of okay, and not a lot of fantastic, something wonderful happens that brings back all of those knots in the gut feelings. Is it just human nature that we cling to it?

When I was having difficulties in a relationship, several years ago, I was talking to a friend who told me to stop chasing rainbows. They don't exist, he said. Focus on what you have, or you will lose it. I did lose it, but it was my choice. The relationship was causing us both harm and so I stopped it. Looking back now, who knows if I made the right decision. I have to hope that I did. Regrets are a wasted emotion.

One absolute part of human nature, and I am as susceptible as most, is the joy of having something to look forward to. We all do that, don't we? Looking forward to the weekend, the glass of wine at the end of the day, the holiday in a couple of months. If I don't have something to look forward to then I feel lost. But why? I have a good life, better than plenty of people. I'm healthy, I have 2 wonderful children, my own house, a great job. So why do I feel a little empty?

Maybe I am chasing rainbows. Maybe the rainbow that I chased for far too long didn't lead me to a pot of gold after all. Yes I have the memories. Yes at the time I was that smug teenager all over again, thinking that it couldn't be possible that anyone could be as happy as I was. Yes, it bit me on the arse. I don't regret it though. If I regretted it then I would be denying myself the memory of a sublime happiness.

This doesn't really lead me anywhere, except that I know I should focus on the present. I'm 37, my life is maybe half over, (if I carry on with this Chardonnay habit it's two-thirds over!). I can't keep looking forward to finding rainbows, or just waiting for something to happen. I must focus on the here and now.

I am doing my best to stay on track. It's not easy, I feel a little like an addict who had their stash taken away. There are good days and bad days. Mostly I feel ok, occasionally something happens that sends me off into a spin, reaching for the nearest wine bottle and packet of cigarettes. Shit, who am I kidding, that's me most days!

One thing is certain though, I won't be chasing rainbows anymore. I don't ever want to feel the way I have these past few weeks again. I may not have regrets, but I have learned a hard lesson.

By Royal Appointment

As I may have mentioned before, I posted a package off the the States last week to Lucy as part of the send-Lisa-to-Disney-raffle. (Lisa is en route home as I type this, as per her Tweets)

I didn't want to write about what I sent until I knew that Lucy had received it and as of today I know she has, (see what she had to say here), so I can reveal all.

It's not easy making up a package for someone that you have never met, especially when you are trying to show some of the best, and yummiest, bits of the UK to someone who lives overseas.

This is what I came up with...


Thorton's Vanilla fudge made with real clotted cream. A squillion calories a piece, but whothefuckcares?!

Smarties have to be the best kind of chocolate! Crispy sugar shell with delicious milk chocolate centre. I don't care if I'm 37, I still love these. 5 tubes should be enough, right?

Duchy Original shortbread, made on HRH Prince Charles's Estate are the worst kind of decadence!

Cadbury's Flake - I got a multi-pack because 1 is NOT going to be enough! 'Nuff said.

Twining's English Breakfast Tea, made by appointment to HM. The Queen. The Royal warrant is a bit of a big deal if you're trying to sell fine food, drinks, or anything really. There is a bit of history about it here. Twining's got their warrant under Queen Victoria, and have been serving tea to the royal family ever since.

This is what the seal of the Royal Warrant looks like. You can't really see it on the box of tea picture above.

Finally, pure Cadbury's goodness in a bar. What else can I say? It's a glass and a half of heaven!

That leads me, rather nicely, into an opportunity to show the Cadbury's advert, featuring a gorilla and a fabulous Phil Collin's soundtrack. You must have been living on a different planet if you haven't seen it.

There was also a little Union Jack pin that lights up when you turn the back. If I had been more organised I would have put more UK tourist trash in there but I wasn't, and maybe that wasn't a bad thing?!

I'm glad the package made it in one piece, I do hope Lucy enjoys eating her way through it! This was a lot of fun, and who knows, I may be tempted to do this again for my own sake, everyone likes a little contest, right?

Good for the soul.

Well, it's no secret that I've been going through some issues lately and so when Lil Sis invited me to stay at their place this weekend, I jumped at the chance.

The weather over here has been incredible. High 20's C, which is high 70's F, (I'm so good doing the conversion for you!). I packed a bag, grabbed MTWD and headed off Saturday midday right after the Lil P's had gone to their Dad. I played Neil Diamond CD's the entire way and sang VERY loudly! MTWD doesn't mind my singing. Just being in the car, with the air-conditioning on, favourite tunes and singing was enough to make me feel better.

When I arrived The LN's were a little cross with me as I hadn't bought their cousins but they soon got over that and by this afternoon I was sitting in their paddling pool with them playing splashing games and generally acting like any other 4 year old!



Lil Sis's house from the back, the Wisteria and Dwarf Lilac are blooming and it's so beautiful!

We sunbathed, barbecued, drank wine and sat outside all evening way after dark. (The smell of barbecued chicken is my favourite in the entire world!) It felt like proper Summer! This was just what I needed and I feel so relaxed. I always feel like I've had a holiday when I go to stay with Lil Sis and Himself and this time, with the glorious weather, it really did feel like I was in Spain or somewhere non-English. Let's hope we can keep this for a bit longer, I know it will help to keep my spirits up.

A few photos courtesy of Lil Sis discovering my iPhone camera, despite me forgetting to pack my real one - d'oh!


I love this shot of the Lil Fella! He looks a little alarmed about something, doesn't he? He has grown so much! As you can see I'm working on my glow-in-the-dark white skin. So far so good, no sunburn!

Look at those thighs! Couldn't you just eat him up?!

I do hope you all had good weekends, I'm going to spend the next hour trying to get through my Google Reader, I only go away for 1 night and the thing explodes! Give me a chance to catch up before you write anything else please!

An added bonus!

I am so totally and utterly bloody stupid that I forgot to add this in my earlier post. I have never posted twice in one day but you get a bonus extra today - lucky you!

A little back ground...

We have a TV show over here in England on a Friday evening called "Have I got News for You" . Basically, a satirical round up of the week's news. The Lil P's and I love it. Hey, it's one way to get them involved in current events, right?

Last Friday, (and I only remembered because I just watched this week's episode), the guest host was none other than the genius that is Brian Blessed! If you weren't alive at the time, he played Prince Vultan in Flash Gordon, and by any body's standards totally stole the show!

This was the opening of Have I got News for You, and if you want the rest it's all right there on YouTube. I cannot tell you how much you need to watch it all!



You're welcome.

More learning curves.

Stuff I learned this week, in no particular order...

I am human, I cry, I am not a robot and that's ok.

My Lil Sis and my BFF will tolerate my whinging and moaning for hours! (They deserve medals, seriously!)

Friendships pop up in unexpected places. (And I love that!)

Two of my old school teachers have died, I got an email update from my "Old Girl's Association" today. That made me feel sad, and bloody ancient! My teachers are dying?!

If I step away from my desk for 5 minutes, even if he isn't in the building, my boss will know about it! (And there were repercussions - urgh!)

I only need to sit in this glorious sunshine for half an hour before I get pink shoulders.

Drinking wine, wearing cute pink PJs and listening to Neil Diamond are the perfect end to a long week.

Wanting something you can't have is hell on Earth.

Trying to switch off wanting something you can't have is bloody hard. (And a work in progress.)

At 37 it seems I am not too old to get spots. This is payback for my youth when I was so smug with my flawless skin.

I feel alive when the sun shines and the temperatures get above 20C, like I just woke up from hibernation.

It doesn't matter how many times I reboot my router, my laptop still won't pick up my wifi and it's really getting on my tits!

I should not be allowed anywhere near Facebook after more than 1 glass of wine.

...and that just about wraps up my week.

In other news, I'm heading off to The Boonies tomorrow for a little R & R with Lil Sis. My nephews will hate me because I'm not taking the Lil P's with me this time. I need time with Lil Sis, her tranquil garden and lots of wine. The weather is set to stay in the mid 20's C so it looks to be a perfect weekend. I do not plan on taking my laptop; this is a real break, (I know, the shock!) I'll catch up on Sunday. Have a great weekend.

Warning! I'm out of wine...

...and I have a gun!

Yeah, alright, maybe I don't actually have a gun, but imagine I do...and be very afraid!

I am so pissed off with myself. I poured a glass of wine earlier, noticed the bottle was almost empty, but assumed there was another hidden in the dark, scary area at the bottom of the fridge. I was wrong! Arghhhhhhh! I could have walked around the corner to the little Tesco Express, but I couldn't be arsed, quite frankly. Damn these laws about kids not buying alcohol under the age of 18. My family know all the shop ladies, can't I send them with a note or something? They could get my cigarettes too!

So I'm sitting here after an excruciatingly long day with no wine. This does not make me feel happy. This does not inspire me to write something witty and marginally hilarious. This makes me tetchy and boring.

Something did amuse me earlier though. I have almost equal male to female regular readers who comment. If I post something along the lines of "My life is crap, I'm having a breakdown" all my female readers rally with words of wisdom and hugs, (Thank you!!) and the guys all disappear in a cloud of dust!

As soon as I post a picture of my underwear, or a really bloody dodgy photo of my stripy legs, they are all crawling out of the woodwork. That cracks me up! I really am teasing and don't for a moment want to alienate anyone, but you must agree that is hilarious!

In other news, the people who live about 4 doors up from me have been burning crap in their garden every day this week. My washing has been hanging out to dry and now stinks of smoke. Thankyouveryfuckingmuch! Twats!