Do not get over excited by that title! This is a horror story and the results were not pretty.
A little back ground; we are finally getting some decent weather over here, yesterday 21C, today 25C, (do not ask me to translate, I don't do F, sorry!) Anyway, this meant a that a severe case of breaking-into-Summer-wardrobe had to occur. What this also means is that legs need to be shaved/Veeted more than once a month, and the whiter-than-white skin needs to be addressed. Dammit why does Summer have to be such fucking high maintenance?! I've had boyfriends that are far less hassle.
Any-way...I decided to slap on some Johnson & Johnson "Holiday Skin" which I have used before and not seen great results. Last year's bottle was lying around so I figured it wouldn't hurt, right? Apart from stinking to high heaven all day yesterday, despite a generous dose of Kenzo, "Flower", ( my Summery perfume of choice), it didn't seem to do a lot. Un-til I woke up this morning to orange-stripy-legs! Bollocks!
I thought I would brave it out and wear Capri pants today, anyway. Trust me, the guys in my office wouldn't dare say a word! That was all fine and the temperatures rose all day to a balmy 25C when I got home. Time to mow the lawns!
I was not about to cut grass in my best, (if somewhat baggier) Monsoon Capri's so I changed. I put shorts on! Now I have to tell you, I do NOT do shorts. I own 2 pairs, and only because I was bullied into that by my very gorgeous friend L who lives in Texas. I have spent the last 2 Summers staying with L and her family, (waves to L because I know she is reading but wouldn't dare reveal herself!). Anyway, she categorically told me I would need shorts in TX and she was right, (dammit!) I just would never leave the house in them back here. Despite my losing 27lbs now (Yay! 1lb off 2 stone!), I still think that I look like a dyke in shorts. (No offense to dykes, it's just not a look I can carry off all that well.) Moving on...I put the shorts on to deal with the garden.
Picture the scene, slightly orange, mostly glow-in-the-dark-white legs, in shorts. Mmmmm, how turned on are you right now?! At some point, I bashed my leg against something and caused blood-shed. The finished result...
Can you see the orange striping or are you blinded by the white? The only good point is that they are shaved and silky smooth, let's not discuss the flip side. Yes I am aware of the fact that having bared my legs to the interweb, I will never get laid again, as long as I live!
In other news, Lil Miss P got fitted with braces today, real proper train-track braces. The upside is that these days you can get all sorts of coloured clasps for them and so she has alternating pink and purple teeth - yikes! They look a lot more subtle than they sound. She's going to be hooked up for at least a year and after almost 12 hours the novelty has already worn off. We have had tears; "Take them off now!" and a double dose of Panadol, (Tylenol). She knows it will be worth it and she really does want them straightened, never mind the fact that the EH is paying for this, to the tune of £3000!!! (That's $6000-ish)
(I could go into a rant about the dentist but I'll save that for another day.)
In other, other news, I posted the parcel off to Lucy today. I had to wait while she moved house. I am so excited and really hope that she's going to enjoy it! As soon as I know she has it, I'll reveal what I sent her. Hey, maybe I might even do it again sometime...just because.
16 comments:
So what you're saying is that you're dangerous in shorts. ;)
I had to wear braces. They were awful. My daughter wants them, and nothing I can say is making a dent. *sigh* If she does need them, I'm going to hedge for the invisalign things.
"I don't do F". That made me laugh out loud (1st on your blog). As for the rest: Is it OK to use peroxide as eyewash? ;-p
I'm blinded!
JK.
I don't really do shorts either. But your dyke comment had me cracking up. You're apologizing to them, classic.
Kyra - Dangerous is one way of putting it ;o)
I wore braces too and Lil Miss P does need and want them, it's just reality kicking in here.
Icy Mt - Peroxide is fine ;o)
Please do me a favour and email me at itsmepenelope (@) gmail (dot) com re. something you said yesterday ;o)
Sizzle - I didn't want to offend anyone ;o)
i think your legs are lovely, even if they ARE somewhat stripy and bloody. :D
Wow, proper white English legs. I am currently trying Skin So Soft Satin Glow Airbrush Spray... I fully expect orange results but I can't remember the last time I wore a skirt without tights! I may have to change my mind on that though because M&S has a very nice skirt suit in for not a lot of money! And, damn, it's a bit warm!
This entry didn't end up being what I thought it was going to be about.
I'll trade ya.
Poor Dave.
I've got white legs too, but I refuse to tan. I had a BAD experience last year with tanning/burning and I'm deathly afraid (pun intended) of skin cancer.
I think you owe us an 'after' picture later on, no?
I did that to Tina once just as she was getting on a plane! lol She kept saying it wasn't dark enough, and boy was she sorry!
Penelope, I am as white as a sheet of typing paper (or "ass white", as a friend of mine calls it!) just like you. But think of it this way--our skin will look better in our later years, and we'll have a lower chance of skin cancer, than the sun gods/goddesses that are out there...
Pounds...centigrade...what, do you live in England or something?
I don't do shorts either, but we're going to Kefalonia in a few weeks and Louise has FORCED me to buy some.
It'll all end in tears...
Diva - You are too kind! Also, maybe delusioned, is the pregnancy affecting your eyesight? ;o)
Bec - It is a bit warm huh? Lovely! Good luck on not getting stripes ;o)
Sir Dave2 - O...kayyy...what were you expecting??
Kevin - Nice! ;o)
Sue - If they ever get a decent tan I'll be sure to show them off ;o)
Honeywine - this stuff is lethal!
Jim - I'm not buying it, I want brown legs!! ;o)
Mr Fab - Funny you should mention that... ;o)
Rol - Oooh Kefalonia will be gorgeous! and HOT! You'll look fab in shorts, just make sure Louise does all the choosing - agree with EVERYTHING she says ;o)
Believe me, I learnt my lesson on that one a LONG time ago.
It arrived yesterday, but I am out of town so I haven't gotten to see what's in it yet! I am RIGHT NOW at the airport headed home and it will be the first thing I do when I get there. I am so excited to see what you sent me! :)
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